Changes

I shouldn't be typing this right now, it's 8.00 am and I should getting dressed, but I made some decisions and if I don't 'get them out there' right now then maybe I never will.

I am really unhappy with my life right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, my friends, my job ... and I am very thankful for all that I have, but I'm unhappy with ME. 40 is kicking me up the backside and I'm starting to look back and wonder just exactly what I've achieved in those 40 years - and the answer that stares back at me is 'not a fat lot'.

Personal achievements, that is, not stuff like kids etc.

I've realised that I spend a large part of my life sacrificing my time for other people to help them. I like helping people, and I never want to get to the point where I won't help someone, but I'm just thinking of all the evenings and weekends last year when Colin was out either at work or on his motorbike or doing one of his other hobbies, and I was just left at home to sit with the kids. I don't want to do that any more. I want to feel like I have a life.

So this is my promise to myself. There are lots of things that I want to do and that I want to achieve. While I'm at work today I'm going to start making a list, and then I'm going to post them here and start working towards achieving something. I totally and utterly deserve to do whatever I want to do with my life. I shouldn't have to wait until the kids are grown up, I can be a Mum and be Kate at the same time. I can!

I can't believe I've spent so many years not pushing myself to do what I really wanted because I didn't want to step outside my comfort zone/was afraid of failure/looking stupid ... apparently, all I need is motivation (so my friend says) and confidence will follow ... hope so!

To start me off (cos I will forget by the time I get to work to write it down):

I WOULD LIKE SOME DECENT PHOTOGRAPHS OF ME. I AM GOING TO BOOK A SESSION WITH A PHOTOGRAPHER (I have someone in mind) AND HAVE SOME ROCKING PICS TAKEN.