It's Started ...

The changes have started. Yep, my subconscious is drawing me ever closer to the 'new life' that hitting 40 will bring (I think!)

I have had an absolutely brilliant weekend, though I didn't do anything mind-boggingly exciting.

I took Friday afternoon off from work and took Jacqui to lunch at Cielo, an Italian restaurant in Brindley Place (THE cultural/social centre of Birmingham). We had a delicious lunch, and then wandered off to look in a couple of furniture stores, as she wants to get new sofas. We followed this up with a spot of camera researching in a couple more shops, then hit Bon Marche in Acocks Green.

I have a feeling that I will be spending quite a bit of time in that shop in the future. I wouldn't say they have a huge selection of clothes that I liked - a lot of it is very outdated and made for the more mature woman, but they do have some funky stuff; and best of all, it fits! I ended up getting a pair of cerise pink cropped trousers (£8 in the sale); a white pair (also £8) and a tunic top in various shades of green (£16, not in the sale). Now, I love the look of tunic tops, but so many of them just look hideous - but I was really impressed with this one, and I even managed to persuade Jacqui to try one on too - she looked fab in it, so we can go out dressed as twins now mwah haha hahahahah ha hahahah ... I also bought a pair of earrings and a necklace.

After shopping we picked Ethan up from school, and came home via Sainsburys; the plan being to nip home and pick up Sean, and then drive Jacqui home. However, I was just getting changed when Colin came home, and we ended up with all four of us taking Jacqui home - Colin potentially to try and cut the padlock off of her back door, as she'd mislaid the key somewhere. We were there quite late, but we had a great time, and Colin was more relaxed than I'd seen him for ages.

Yesterday, Sean went off somewhere with his friends, so Col, Ethan and I went off to Ikea. They dropped me off to have a mooch around while they went off to a shop selling radio equipment ( ... yawn ...), and picked me up as I finished. I was very restrained - I only bought stuff that we really needed, like some new plates, bowls and glasses, their funky washing up brushes, food saver tubs, a bin for the bathroom and one for our bedroom, oh and I got a little lamp to take into my office at work. Then we headed off to Burger King and stuffed ourselves silly before a little meander around PC World and Currys to do some more camera research before coming home again.

Today, with Sean out yet again (with his Dad), we drove out to Maplins and then to The Fort so that I could do a little more shopping. I got a really nice black top in the sale at New Look for the bargainous price of £7 (I might wear it when I go out on the town for my birthday); and then I mooched around Evans for a bit ... and bought more than I intended to - a long pink top for just £5, a blue stripy sleeveless dress/tunic for £10, a pack of white knicks (for wearing with my white trousers), three pairs of more posh knicks, and a handful of jewellery that had been reduced to about £2 each.

So, this weekend has been relaxed and I feel like spending time just chilling with the boys has done me the world of good (despite the fact that I have a stinking cold and have felt generally lousy all weekend). Colin too is feeling relaxed, and it has been wonderful to spend time together without the usual screaming matches. Long may it continue!

With regard to camera research, I have changed my mind about 20 times over the last few days on which camera I should get. My trusty Olympus C40, which we paid a small fortune for about four years ago when digital cameras were still relatively new, seems to have died, and as I have had a little financial bonus come my way recently I thought I would treat myself to a new compact camera that I can keep in my handbag. I have read reviews on virtually every camera on the market (at last, that's how it feels!); but finally I have settled for the Canon Powershot S3. It has 6 million megapixels and a 12 x optical zoom (my minimum spec was 6 million megapixels and a 6 x optical zoom). The thing is, I trust Canon cameras. Both my film and digital SLRs are Canon (EOS 1000FN film; EOS 350D digital) and I love them. The reviews for the S3 are very good, and for a compact camera, it seems to be absolutely packed with features - it's more like a smaller DSLR than a compact. It seems pointless to me to buy a camera from a different manufacturer when I know what I'm getting with a Canon. So, tonight I've ordered myself a 4 gb SDHC card, and a battery charger and spare batteries (the only downside for me is that the camera takes AA batteries and not lithium), and I'll be ordering my camera later this week - it should cost me about £200, which I'm happy to pay for a camera of this spec.

Now I should always be prepared for any photo opportunity that comes my way ...

Anyway, back to those changes I was talking about earlier ...

I've come to a scrapping decision ... I decided that it was time to step down from Kiki's CT. To be honest, I came to this decision several weeks ago, but I just kept putting off the inevitable. I've had such fun working with her designs, but I've been feeling very much like I'm stretched too thinly recently, and I don't think it's possible (for me at least) to give my best to all my teams if I feel like that. I bit the bullet earlier tonight and resigned, and I feel really sad now ... but Kiki has very kindly said that if I ever change my mind to let her know. She's fabulous, and a very talented designer, and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to work with her.

So, that leaves two teams now. Hopefully I won't feel quite so stressed about meeting my CT commitments as I have been - apart from anything else if I feel stressed my mojo tends to disappear, and that definitely aint good when you have layouts that need to be made.

I have decided to spend less time on my laptop, and more time doing the things that I should be doing, like housework and spending quality time with my family. I have been relying far too much on Sean to help me out around the house - he does the majority of the cooking around here (he loves to cook); but he does so many other things too that he shouldn't have to do, and it's time for me to get off my fat arse and do them myself. I am going to try really hard to stop procastinating so much, as doing so is wasting my life away - it's not uncommon for me to decide to go to bed at midnight, but then just *have* to check a few websites before I can switch the computer off ... and then before I know it it will be 2.00 am or something stupid. I am going to try and condition myself to spend no more than half an hour on the computer when I get home in the evenings, then spend time with the kids/do some stuff around the house, and then allow myself maybe another hour or two later in the evening.

We've been making some firm plans on getting the house sorted out. Living in this tip is making me ill and depressed, but I can never seem to motivate myself to do anything about it. We need to get moving though, cos the plan is that when Jacqui gets her new sofas (she wants to redecorate her living room in August) we will buy her old ones off her (they are in fabulous condition, although we will get them reupholstered); and hence I want to have the living room sorted out before then. That means throwing out all the clutter and junk, getting the carpet up and staining the floorboards, moving the radiator and the big entertainment/shelving unit that we have in here. I want a minimalist but cosy feel in here - stained floorboards with a big rug in the middle, the two sofas, the TV will be mounted on a wall-mounted stand so it looks like it's floating in the corner, and two side tables with lamps. That's all we need. The less surfaces there are in here for everyone to put stuff on, the better! The wall that has the chimney breast on will hopefully be painted a dark chocolate colour, and the other walls a biscuity/coffee colour. The rug could be in a rusty shade I suppose, and perhaps the sofas could also be the same sort of colour. I want a bigger mirror on the wall, and some nice big prints too. Oh, and a picture rail (this is a Victorian house with high ceilings).

But first, we need to get a skip and chuck some of this crud away. I really need to swallow my pride and head on up to the office, wherein lies several thousand pounds of stock from my scrapbooking supplies business; but since my meltdown last year I just haven't been able to deal with it. I need to be brave and get up there and start sorting it all out and dividing it up into big lots to sell on Ebay. It's taking up valuable space.

If I had an endless supply of money, I would spend a large proportion of it on getting the house just how I want it. But I don't, so I will just have to do the best I can with what I have. That means starting by decluttering. I need to make a list of what exactly I want to achieve, and how I'm going to achieve it. I think the first start is to get rid of the old metal frame from Sean's bed - which is broken - which he just wedged into the doorway of the spare room upstairs. I can't get in there. All my paper stash is up there, not that I've used it for more than a year, but I want to revisit old times and do some paper scrapping again. The first step is to get rid of the bed frame, then remove the old wardrobe in there and instal the one that has been lying in pieces in our hallway for the past two months, then I can pack all that stash away tidily out of the way and move on to the next project, which will be getting the floor up in the other half of the spare room so that Colin can route a hot water pipe from the boiler (which is in the spare room) down to the kitchen sink (we have hot water in our tiny old kitchen, which we're now using as a utility room, so at least we do have some hot water downstairs). Then we can get the kitchen finished (it's only taken 3+ years so far ...). I don't even want to think about where we go from there!

But you see, I have realised that changes need to be made. Maybe I really will start a new life for myself when I hit 40. I hope so. I don't like the one I have now, where I don't do anything much but sit on my bum.