Book of Revelations

Wow, it's six months since I last blogged. How did that happen? Where did the time go to? We're now on New Years Eve, on the cusp of a new decade - hopefully a time of excitement and prosperity for all.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Does anyone read this blog anyway and even care? Probably not ... but by putting my thoughts down in the blogosphere I'm leaving something behind to remind me of how 2009 ended.

The last six months honestly have just flown by ... so much has happened, so much has changed.

Firstly:


This was me at the end of April this year. It's not a very good picture, but hopefully you can see how fat I was. Okay, hang on, let me post a different one ...



This was me in February, you can see much clearer what a fat piggy I am. But ...

Look at me here in December this year. Better? I think so (I hope so). Since 5th May 2009, I have lost 67 lb. That's 4 stone 11 lb in old money. Shame I didn't manage the full 5 stone, but that'll come in the next couple of weeks I hope.

So ... the reason for my biblical sounding post title? I've been reflecting somewhat on the past eight months recently and have drawn lots of interesting conclusions.

I spent so many years ignoring my size and telling people that I didn't care about being big, and that's what I honestly believed. However, in the past few months it's finally dawned on me just how unhappy I was at that size. Believe me, I aint ever going back to that. I've realised how I used to make excuses to not go out, and had a massive inferiority complex (okay, I've still got that, but maybe it's getting better).

What precipitated this amazing transformation (yes, I know it's not all that amazing - come back next New Years Eve, THEN it will be an amazing transformation, I promise)? Well ... though I hate to say it, this change has been brought about by my greatest phobia of all ... rats. Yep. Rats. When we came back from Germany at the end of April, it was to find that they had burrowed their way in through the old water outlet pipes under the floor in the kitchen. If you know me well (and probably even if you don't), you will know that I have an absolute pathological fear of rats, and I very nearly left home at the time, it was so horrible. I didn't go near the kitchen for over a week, and consequently we spent a lot of time in Sainsburys buying ready to eat grub that we could picnic on without the need to cook or go anywhere near the kitchen. By the time the problem had been sorted and I could get back in there (very tentatively), I felt very ill. No wonder when I'd been eating all sorts of crap really - but I felt bilious and tired and sick. No doubt the stress played a huge part in that, but still. So, I woke up one morning and turned to Colin and said 'I'm going to Weight Watchers today'. Very helpfully and supportively, he said 'you'll never stick to it', and I thought 'just watch me, you fat git!' That was it, that was me on my way, and amazingly for me I've stuck to my guns and got on with it, and intend to continue with it for as long as it takes.

So ... this New Year I'm wearing clothes that are between four and six sizes smaller than this time last year. Most of the stuff in my wardrobe is now way too big, and I really need to get most of it listed on ebay and get rid of it (to make room for new smaller stuff, naturally). I am wearing size 20 jeans. I never thought I'd be wearing size 20 jeans! They seem so small in comparison to the size I wore before (which now seem absolutely ginormous - probably cos they were). The only downsize is that I now have only a very miniscule capsule wardrobe compared to the vast amount of clothes I had before. But on the plus side, stuff that I bought in October is now too big, which means I am getting smaller still. I can now shop in 'normal' clothes shops, like Monsoon, Next and places like that (though most of my stuff comes from Sainsburys as the prices are fabulously cheap). I bought a new coat from Evans a few weeks ago, but I tell you - I will NEVER shop in there again.

Anyway, that's the weight loss thing. Then there's the building confidence thing. I started going to salsa at some point over the summer (can't remember when) with a girl from Weight Watchers. Except she doesn't always go, which means this big brave girlie has to go on her own. And guess what, I even went to a social on Boxing Day all on my own (the fact that I nearly turned and walked straight out again when I realised that I didn't know anyone there at all is irrelevant). Mum keeps saying she's amazed that I would go on my own - well guess what, if I don't go on my own I won't go at all, will I, and I'll waste more of my life not doing the things I want to do. I still have to work on the confidence issues there, for example I worry that when they make all the girls move round to the next partner that they're all thinking 'oh no, here comes that fat woman again'. But hopefully they don't think that. And if they do, well sod them. I don't care (I do, but don't tell anyone).

So that's the confidence thing. Now there's the 'finding Kate' thing. I haven't done that bit yet. But I'm working on it. I wonder who I will be when I'm not walking around in this big flabby body any more. I don't know what size I will be, what I will look like, whether my personality will change (could I possibly become any more wonderful than I already am, you ask?), whether my tastes will change, or what hobbies I will take up. I'll deffo keep up with the dancing, cos I've always loved dancing, but I'm wondering whether I might take up running ... don't laugh. The idea intrigues me, but I'm still not sure.

Also in the changing Kate process, the old cream cake/meat/pudding/chocolate eating Kate is long gone, to be replaced by a vegetarian who eats loads and loads of fresh veg, cooks from scratch every night, eats lots of yummy fish (giving up meat was no hardship, believe me), doesn't do chocolate at all, and cake only on special occasions. Sainsburys recent announcement of a huge drop in their profits from cream cakes can be seen to correspond with the day I started at Weight Watchers! I honestly feel so much better for changing the things I eat. I couldn't honestly say that I don't want to eat cake and pudding, but I CAN live without the chocolate. Making the healthy choice is easy. For example, I have had dinner tonight but not pudding. I could (and would like to) eat two Weight Watchers frozen puddings (double chocolate brownie - yum yum), but I will be good and have a punnet of blueberries with some 0% fat greek yogurt (not chocolate brownies but still incredibly yum yum). And tomorrow, I will have home made Christmas pudding from a Weight Watchers recipe which is much better than anything I can buy in the shops - and far far healthier too, so I can have a big piece and enjoy it. And before anyone says I shouldn't be eating any Christmas pudding at all, I'd like to point out that I have saved up enough points to be able to enjoy it without any guilt whatsoever!

The most amazing thing for me about losing weight is wondering why on earth I didn't do this years ago ... I never even considered it, to be honest, and I suppose I didn't think I could do it and that I was destined to be fat. If only I'd known how easy it would be ...

Anyway, that's enough about that ... what else has been happening? I've been knitting up a storm recently, still with a voracious urge to get stuff off the needles and onto my feet/hands/head/wherever. Small projects are definitely the order of the day at the moment (I'm not knitting any jumpers until I know what size I am going to end up at).

Work - still incredibly busy and stressful.

Kids - still fabulous, wonderful and gorgeous (just like me).

Everything else - same old same old.

We won't mention the bathroom ...

Well that didn't take long, did it - I got bored of blogging again already. I'll be back when I think of anything else interesting to tell you from the last six months of bloggy silence.

And if I'm not back before midnight, Happy New Year - may 2010 bring you all that you wish for.