Blog Off

I don't know what it is about this time of the year. For some reason this time of year seems always to be horrendously busy. I hoped that once the MCLOSA meeting was out of the way things would settle down and become a bit less hectic - some hope. I have about a million clinic letters to type, going back almost six weeks, my waiting list needs some serious attention, as does my postgraduate teaching database. I have Minutes of a HTA meeting to type up and tasks relating to the meeting to complete. I have three long tapes from Phil to type up, and need to print off both his and Si's clinic lists. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, believe me. I also have at least 1-2 days worth of MCLOSA bits and pieces to do, that need to be done in the very near future. Where am I supposed to fit all this in? My phone rings off the hook most of the time, and there are constant interruptions. I could, I know, ask for some help to get the typing up to date, but as usual I am stubborn. I don't like it when other people do my typing, because they don't do it how I would like to see it done (which really shouldn't matter as long as it is accurate) ... and besides which, I see it as a sign of failure if I don't do it myself and get caught up as quickly as possible. Yes, I know, its my innate need to feel superior to everyone else - 'look at me, look how great I am, I did all this ALL ON MY OWN'. Stupid woman!

It feels like I have going at full speed for weeks and I'm starting to feel burnt out. The last two nights I've been asleep really early (9.15 pm on Monday and 9.45 pm yesterday), but still I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I was so tired yesterday that I struggled to stay awake once I'd got home and sat down. Things have been relentless. Who thought it would be a good idea for me to pick up the slack when Jenny went off for her five weeks holiday? Oh, speaking of holiday, that reminds me - Charlie is away next week, so that will also add to my workload - any specimens will need to be processed and despatched, and I will have to do the daily freezer monitoring too. Great. Anyway, back to Jenny. She went off for five weeks, and in her absence we have Anna, who is our new junior medical secretary working with us for three days a week. She's great, a really lovely girl, and accurate too. Unfortunately, she's really slow. I don't mind that at all, after all she is learning the job and I don't expect her to be superwhizzy fast. It just means that it adds more to my plate, that's all. I don't have time to fit in all the demands of my own job, let alone half of Jenny's too. So I'm starting to feel burnt out, tired and definitely more than a little depressed (though I have to wonder if that's from the tiredness or because my blood sugars are out of whack). Nevertheless, no matter how much sleep I've had it's just not enough, and I just don't want to get out of bed at all. Oh, for the joy of staying in bed just because I could ... it would be wonderful.

The MCLOSA meeting went fabulously well, as did our Gala Dinner at the Royal Automobile Club in Pall Mall (okay, namedropping over). Saturday morning I met up with Dominik (Colin's stepbrother) for coffee, as my hotel was just up the road from where he's living. That was fun, and the coffee was good too! Then I got a taxi to Liverpool Street and then a train to Chingford to go and stay with Mum and Dad for 24 hours. I was having a lovely time, relaxing and starting to chill out, when Colin rang to tell me that Sean had gone missing. By the time he turned up safe and sound about three hours later (he was at his friend's house, whose Mum had told him a couple of times to ring Colin to let him know where he was - but Sean being Sean and very stubborn (hhhmmm, wonder where he gets THAT from) didn't), we were both frantic. I was almost physically ill, thinking of how I would manage a 3 hour journey back to Birmingham if he hadn't turned up - how could I cope with travelling and not knowing where my boy was. The worst thing was that he seemed totally defiant when he did turn up, which made me feel even worse. He rang me later in the evening to talk, and I explained that him checking in with us was most definitely not us treating him like a child - rather it was him acting like a responsible adult. He was surprised that after my little sojourn out to Garfunkels on Thursday, Mum had insisted that I text her when I got back to my hotel; and that Si had sent me a text on Friday when she got home after the Gala Dinner: being responsible and letting someone know that you are safe. Not surprisingly, the whole situation totally ruined my much looked forward to weekend - I suppose it's no wonder that I feel stressed and exhausted.

But each day is a new one, and I can only hope that I start to feel better as things get back to normal. I have worked my arse off today, and will have to do so again tomorrow. I was hoping that I'd be able to take Friday (or at least some of Friday) off to go and do some Christmas shopping with Jacqui, but I just am not going to have the time. I was so rushed today that I made a couple of stupid mistakes (and made myself look like an idiot), so I suppose I shall have to bite the bullet and devote as much time as possible this week to work, work and more work, at least until I break the back of it.

I don't even want to think about how many days are left till Christmas now ... I haven't bought any presents, I haven't finished all my knitted pressies either, and as usual I bet I will leave everything to the last minute. If only I could be more organised!

I must sleep now, before I know it the alarm will be going off, and I will be trying to stir from a sleep-induced comatose state for another day at the coal face. God help me!