Miss Confidence 2008

If you know me well, you know that I don't have much confidence. If you don't know me well, you probably think that I am super-confident, cos that's the air that I give off. Let's just say I'm a very good actress and leave it at that. Let's face it, we all have different personas, and the 'work' Kate is different to the 'home' Kate.

At the moment I am excited and terrified in equal measure. *gulp* On Thursday I am travelling to London all by myself, and not coming back until Sunday. Eek! We've got the MCLOSA Annual Scientific Meeting on Friday, so I'm going down for that. I have booked myself into a hotel for Thursday and Friday nights, then on Saturday I'm going to Mum's, and then coming back on Sunday.

Let's look at my lack of confidence ... when I get on the train on Thursday, my heart will be beating like mad for the first ten minutes. It's the 'stepping outside of my usual box' thing I think. Then when I get to Euston I'm getting in a taxi - again, there will be nerves attached to the experience - and going to my hotel. Then (oh my God) when I'm at the hotel I will go down to dinner on my own. Now this really is pushing the envelope ... I don't know how I'm going to force myself to be Miss Confident and go and sit at a table on my own to meet dinner ... but do it I will.

Half the problem for me is that I don't go anywhere. Or, if I do go anywhere it's never by myself. I like to have one of my boys with me for company and support. Cos I'm a sad and pathetic old hag!

So speaking of MCLOSA, I have worked my fingers to the bone over the past couple of weeks to get everything ready. I didn't get home until almost 9.30 pm tonight because I stayed after work to put together 150 delegate packs, sort out all my other paperwork and pack it all in boxes ready to be picked up by courier tomorrow. I have five massive boxes full of delegate packs and other stuff, and I will be relieved once it has left the building. I am feeling remarkably calm about this meeting, I think probably because I know I have done all I can to prepare. At least now I can relax and just concentrate on the few things more that I have to do, and then turn my attention to packing. Things like worrying about what to wear for the meeting take my mind off worrying about going it alone for four days (it's ridiculous really, I never used to be like this at all, I was always quite happy going off by myself). Things like planning which knitting projects to take with me help too (for what it's worth, it will be my Christmas pressie knitting which comes with me - a hat that I'm halfway through, and a cardi for a friend that I haven't cast on yet. And maybe another Sunday Market Shawl, as it's mindless knitting that allows my mind to wander).

I am looking forward to just chilling out on Thursday night, watching TV in my hotel room, knitting and hopefully catching up on some German lessons (which have fallen by the wayside recently as there has been so much going on), otherwise next time we go to Germany (note to Andrea - no, I don't know when that will be, but it probably won't be until at least the spring) I will be no further forward, and I am determined that I will be able to hold a proper conversation with someone next time. Apart from anything else, it will be a novel experience to actually watch what I want to watch on TV, something that never ever happens here ...

On Friday night after the meeting, we have our Gala Dinner at the RAC Club in Pall Mall. I'm really looking forward to that, it's supposed to be really posh there, and plebs like me don't often get the chance to go in, so I am going to savour every second and try to pretend that I fit in with the undoubtedly superior beings that frequent the place.

Other news: I finally managed to get myself a decent handbag yesterday. I was determined that I wasn't going to MCLOSA with the bag I normally use (a fabric 'I'm pretending I'm still a teenager' bag), so after I'd finished work yesterday (yes, that's right, work on a Sunday - more MCLOSA stuff) I nipped into town to have a look. I hit about 10 shops in search of the perfect bag, to no avail. I didn't think my demands were too great - I wanted leather, in black or brown preferably, with a zip fastening, of the right size and with a long strap so that I can wear it across my body. Apparently that sort of bag is not de rigeur this season, because there were very few bags with long straps, lots were in nasty colours (black or brown goes with everything, red, purple, green and skyblueyellow with pink dots doesn't) like a sort of 'I've got a bad attack of diarrhoea and it's yellow' colour (eww!). The majority had a press stud fastening (if you ask me, that sort of bag just invites pickpockets to dip your bag), and were small. I found a reasonable bag in Wallis (or it might have been Warehouse) for £35, but it wasn't leather, and call me cheap if you will, but I'm not paying that sort of money for a bag made from plastic!

Finally, inspiration struck - of course, TK Maxx! After I'd hiked around half of town trying to find the bloody shop, I entered into a mecca for handbag lovers. Ooh, there were some nice bags in there. There was a lovely gladstone-type bag in purple mock-croc leather ... it was lush. It took me a while, but I did finally find a big dark brown bag, with a long strap, a zip and in leather. It cost me the princely sum of £50, but the tag on it said the RRP was £150. It has loads of zipped pockets and I love it. So now I can feel that I look more the part of the efficient, dynamic Administrative Secretary when I am registering 150 people for the meeting on Friday. Result!

Well, it's been a long day today, and I didn't sleep well last night, so it's time for me to hit the hay and get some shuteye. More soon!